The Poor Swimmer

Hi P3 Humility, do you remember the composition you wrote on water safety?

Here's a good composition written by one of your classmates.

"Stop it! I'm all wet already!" screamed Christine as the boys ganged up against her, splashin her with sea water. Sunlight glinted off the waves, as shouts of merriment punctuated the air at East Coast Park beach. Jon, Tom, Christine and Sam were at East Coast Park beach as it had been ages since the four of them had been there. The weather was perfect for a Sunday afternoon outing at the beach.

Exhausted with splashing each other, they soon settled down to a less strenuous activity: building sandcastles. However, Jon was still all hyped up on adrenalin and initiated a game of beach soccer. The rest ignored him, hoping he would soon get tired and join them. Jon excitedly dribbled the ball on his own, pretending to be David Beckham. Too immersed in his fantasy, Jon accidentally kicked the ball too hard and sent it flying into the sea. He groaned as the ball was not his, but his brother's.

Not wanting to face his brother's wrath, Jon waded out to sea to retrieve the ball. The waves grew choppy as he went further out. By this time, he was tired and struggling to keep his head above the water. He began to shout for help.

The trio heard Jon's cries and turned to look for him. Sam saw him drowning and shot off like a bullet towards the water. Sam was the school's best swimmer and was beside Jon within a minute. He supported Jon by the neck and swam back towards the shore.

When they reached shore, Jon vomited out the disgusting sea water that he had drunk. Jon thanked Sam gratefully for rescuing him. He realised it was stupid of him to risk his life to retrieve a ball.

Q1) What do you think makes this a good composition?

Q2) What do you like / do not like about this composition?